Finance Friday: Announcing the March Money Challenge

There are English people and Math people. Guess which one I am? (There are, I understand, a few oddities who can do both, but I have not been one of those people.) In the continuing evolution of Charity, I've decided that it's time to become one of those strange crossbreeds of English/Math peeps.

After all, I've never been good with money. This is not a life sentence, understand? I can be good with money. In fact, scratch that. I will be good with money. Starting now.

But before I get into all the nitty gritty of my dollars, I need to be clear about my goals. This is about ME and about what I want to accomplish in my life. I feel like I need to know why I didn't do well with money before, and when I thought about that, I realized that I didn't care before because, well, I was young and stupid. I don't have that excuse anymore. I also didn't ever really believe that things would be different in my life. I thought that I wasn't truly worthy of love, that perhaps I would grow old and die alone (how depressing? What was wrong with me in my earlier years? Jeez). No amount of convincing on my friends' part helped. I assumed that there wasn't much of a point in saving for retirement because hell, what if I didn't make it to 65 anyway?

...but I never stopped to ask what would happen if I did.

Until now.

I hate to say that having Captain in my life is the reason for some change, but it's hard to deny the correlation. The truth is that when I met Captain, I had very limited expectations. He surprised me. He impressed me, but not because he was trying. It's just who he is, the person I've discovered in him somehow inspires me to be better than I am. Not that he inspires me to change who I am, just without him even trying, I feel more able to make changes in my life to become Charity 2.0--the version of me who's still awesome, but now to the next power, so to speak. After all, having Captain in my life has allowed me to ask some big, tough questions about the nebulous future. And, now--even as I said then when we first met--I have always, always told myself that no matter what happens, I will forever be grateful for Captain because of what he brought into my life. At a time when I was close to losing hope, Captain taught me that there is always a reason to have hope. In nerd terms, Captain became my light of Eärendil... "May it be a light for you in dark places, when all other lights go out." (Galadriel, Lord of the Rings). [That totally makes him sound so vital to my life, and I don't want it to seem that way; I just mean that he's taught me a lot about myself and about life without doing anything in particular, and I'm uber-grateful for it.]

That said, the things that enter my brain as a result of having Captain in my life go something like this: I would like to get married someday. Gee, getting married means that we're going to have to talk very frankly and honestly about money. I don't have any money, not really. In fact, I have student loan debt, which means I'm in the negative if we're looking at the big picture. And I'm bad at managing my money. Hmm, I should remedy this. IMMEDIATELY.

I want to be able to do things with my money, absolutely. But living for the moment can't be sustained for a long period of time because I have to consider my future and whether or not I'll be able to take care of myself later in life. Also, I want to be able to demonstrate that getting married to me does not represent a massive financial risk and that I can be a good steward of my finances. What's the solution here? Oh, I know! SAVING MONEY (for a number of reasons: an emergency, a wedding, vacations, retirement, a house, unborn children's college fund, whatever), GETTING OUT OF DEBT, and BEING MORE INFORMED (read: smart) ABOUT FINANCES.

All of this to say: I've challenged myself to design and stick to a budget for the month of March. This is not to say I will only stick to a budget for March, but that I will begin to do this now and attempt to continue it, making adjustments every 3 months as needed.

At this point, this is roughly what my finances look like (and trust, I've cut out pretty much everything I'm willing/able to cut):

• Income: $2,700
• Expenses: $2,100
• Left over for savings: $600

Just before the March Money Challenge started, this is what I have:

• a small life insurance policy provided for by my work
• $18k in a pension
• $1,600 in a Roth IRA
• $680 liquid savings

This is what I currently owe:

• $900 credit card debt* (this gets paid off every month, so really this is $0)
• $7,500 car loan
• $60k+ student loan debt

If I can stick to my budget, I can have $7k in savings in one year's time. It's a decent start, but a chunk of that savings is allocated to irregular expenses such as my dog, my haircuts, my car insurance and car registration, an emergency fund, a travel/vacation fund, a Christmas gift fund, and a regular savings account. When I take all those things into account, my regular savings + emergency fund should be about $4k of that at the end of the year. ($3k is allocated for travel/vacations + irregular expenses).

So, the goal list:

• Immediate goals: create and stick to a workable budget for 1 month, then stick to it for 3 months and make adjustments quarterly.
• In 6 months, build a regular savings + emergency fund of $2k+. After 1 year, build a regular savings + emergency fund of $4k+ 
• By summer 2014: pay off my car* (this may require that I adjust my budget and redirect a portion of my savings towards paying off the car, which I will revisit in 2-3 months time)
• After summer 2014: redirect my car payments towards paying off my student loan debt
• After I have my emergency fund set up: consider making more (perhaps regular?) contributions to my Roth IRA
• This year: Research and consider retirement plans beyond my pension (i.e. Roth IRA, 403(b), 401(k), etc.)

This money makeover is probably one of the most difficult things I've ever challenged myself to do. It's a lot like dieting & exercising. I have to be disciplined, vigilant, and aware. I need to question myself about each expense just like I have to question myself about every item of food I decide to eat/prepare. And perhaps most difficult of all, I have to stay motivated and never lose hope.

Wednesday Weigh-In: Starting Point

It's about to get real.

Oh. My. GAWD.

There are a lot of reasons that fat shaming sucks. I'm not saying I agree with the practice at all, but I am saying that these pictures (the first  two, anyway) were a moment for me to see myself through the lens of an unfortunately placed camera. All three pictures were taken in the same time frame (a matter of days apart), right around Christmas 2012 by Captain's mum (worst. possible. angles, I know). I am not proud of these images. I am not thrilled to see my belly line up with my boobs, or wonder just how much my face can sink into itself.

When I first saw these pictures, I couldn't believe it. I asked myself, Is this what people see when they look at me? Now, I ask myself: What are you going to do about it? 

Because, surely, something must be done.

Let's review:

• At age 16, I wore a size 7 and weighed 137 lbs.
• At age 22, I wore a size 10-12 and weighed 150 lbs.
• At age 28, I wore a size 16 and--by February 2012--I weighed 202.2 lbs.
• I joined Weight Watchers and got on-board with tracking my food and measuring out every bite I ate. By April 2012, I weighed 186 lbs. That's sixteen freaking pounds lost, in a matter of months. What's better is that I dropped to a size 14.
• Then, I fell off the WW wagon and managed to land around 188 lbs. by August 2012.
• By Christmas 2012, I was 190 lbs.
• As of this morning, I am 192.4 lbs. and can wear my size 14 jeans, but it's not too comfortable.

NOT OKAY. 

My Be Better, Do Better mantra demands that I treat myself better. It demands that, yes, I love myself and love my body, but also demands that I work on it. Why? Because I want to be healthier. I want to feel more attractive (note: I didn't say I wanted other people to find me more visually attractive, but that I want to feel more attractive because when I'm ballooning upwards towards the 200-lbs marker, I am not feeling good about me). I want to see what my adult body looks like underneath all the unnecessary fat. I want a strong heart, a long life, a not-crazy-difficult [future] pregnancy, the energy to keep up with small children, the confidence that damn, girl, I look good -- and all the benefits that go along with not-being-overweight. Right now, I only feel that I look good every now and again, but I'm not feeling my awesome.

Let's break it down into specific goals and an action plan. Because I want to be sure to lock into a positive mindset, I am going to say that I will do these things as opposed to saying I want these things--wants aren't needs, and I need to do these things, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Here goes:

1. Goal #1: Trim the Fat. I will lose 20-25 lbs. before September 2013. That gives me six months to drop that weight. Based on my weight loss before, this should be easily achieved if I stick to a good diet and exercise.
2. Goal #2: Eat to Live, not Live to Eat. I will limit my fast food intake and cook more. I will create and stick to a menu plan. This will have an impact on my financial goals as well, but I want to eat better and be healthier.
3. Goal #3: Bust Ass. I will commit to an active lifestyle. This means I will actually use my paid-for gym membership and utilize my BBX Groupon. I will do something active at least 3x a week.

This is my starting point, at 192.4 lbs. I told myself last year that I would never go back to 200+, and I meant it. It's time to go to war, find my warrior self, and dig out the strength to get back on track.

Be Better, Do Better... Or, the Pursuit of Happiness

If you don't think you are fabulous, if you don't have incredible confidence in yourself, you will never have the strength to go after what can make you happy. --Suze Orman 

If you asked me for a definition of "happy," I'm not entirely sure I would know how to answer. On one level, I understand that happiness is an emotion, a resulting feeling related to a series of events in one's life. Joy, I've been told, is an internal thing that can emanate from someone, on a deeper level than simply "happy." But I've been thinking a lot about this idea of confidence in oneself and its relation to happiness. (Should be obvious, given my last post about loving thyself). That's a crucial part of the puzzle that's been missing for me, the confidence to pursue the things that can make me happy.

I like lists and I need to have goals, so I've targeted three areas of happiness that I want to focus on over the next year (in order of importance):

• Love/Relationships
• Money Matters
• Weight Loss/Health

These three target areas have subcategories that under their purview as well as connections to the other areas, but as general titles go, those are the three places I want to be better, do better in. (Back to my mantra for 2013, see?). 

In Love/Relationships, I've finally discovered that I can't be everyone's friend. I have to be okay with letting people go and/or allowing relationships that are a 'drag' (emotional, financial or otherwise) fall to the wayside. I have to decide whether some relationships are worth the investment. And if they're not, I have to be okay with the truth that I can't be everyone's friend. I'm a good friend, I think, and a good girlfriend and a good daughter (even if I don't always feel like one). And so this year, I want to cultivate the relationships that I'm deeming worth an investment--those include my true friends, professional associations, my budding (is it still 'budding' 6 months in?) relationship with my boyfriend whom I'll call Captain on this blog, and my longstanding, difficult relationship with my parents. I'm going to try to post about these sorts of things on Mondays (yes, this means I'm trying to keep a blogging schedule). Since this will be the area wherein there might not always be a weekly update, I may make Miscellany Monday about goal-making and goal-progress as well... we'll just see how this rolls out.

In Money Matters, I want to be better about my finances. I've already decided on a path to take, but I planning is always a different beast than actual execution. Right now, my focus is not on the dream job I've got in my head because I'm still currently working on my masters degree. I will refocus on that when I've completed my academic studies. And in case you were wondering, the dream job is to be an author. My real day-to-day job is a stable, steady sort of deal and it provides me with enough money, yet I constantly feel like it's not enough. Why is that? Because I'm a spender, not a saver. I'm a lover of words, not a lover of numbers and it's made me resistant to planning ahead with my money. That's a terrible thing to admit, but it's the truth and I'm trying to change that now. With the realization that (a) I'm turning 30 this year, (b) I'm in this relationship that I feel is headed towards a strong/long-term commitment, and (c) other factors, I've determined that I'm not a kid anymore. I can't claim young, dumb, and innocent. I have to take responsibility for my finances and put myself in a better position for my later years (whatever may come--family, kids, a mortgage?). I'll go over my plan more in detail on Friday when I kick off my Finance Fridays posts, but just so you have a head's up: I'm challenging myself to stick very closely to a budget next month, and I'm calling it March Money Challenge. 

Weight Loss/Health has been another area of my life that's been a challenge for me. While I've made friends easily my whole life, and though I spend most of the money I earn (but I do earn it), I have always struggled with my weight (and as a result, my confidence in myself). I will periodically get on a roll doing something, and when something goes wrong, boom! I'm done. It's been this way with weight loss and dieting, and even with money, for most of my life. I'm tired of selling myself short in these areas. I want to be better, do better. And so, I've decided to return to the gym and to eating better/right. If I stop eating out so much, not only will I get the healthy benefits of preparing my own meals (knowing what's in it and maintaining control of the ingredients), I get the side benefit of saving some money. So, we're going to tackle this weight loss/health thing because I will never be in a better position to do something about this as I am right now. Right now, I'm young (under 30! Just barely), I have no kids (but that might change someday, and I don't want to have a difficult/complicated pregnancy), and dammit, I want to look good! (Side benefit: easier to pick clothes that will look good, and maybe save a little bit of money because sometimes buying bigger costs more.) I'll talk about my weight and my plan of attack more on my Wednesday Weigh-Ins.

So that's the deal, guys. One year (well, technically 10 months) of me trying to challenge myself to be better, do better so I can have the confidence to live my life to the highest potential of happiness.