Love Thyself...?

People who know me find that I am a sensitive, generous person. I've always known this because my mother has both encouraged and bemoaned this particular trait my whole life. In fact, at some point in my teens, my mother stopped giving me money for my birthday and for holidays because, as she accused, I spent it on everyone else and not myself. (I thought I was sharing the wealth, or that doing so made me feel good and happy). And now, at this point in my life, I've come to face to face with some truths:

I care a lot about people.
I care a lot about animals.
I care a lot about the world.
...but I don't know that I've cared enough about me.

Though it's weird to say, I think that I have not been selfish enough. I haven't loved myself enough to have the same level of concern for myself that I do for others.

It's why I'm overweight.
It's why my savings account is paltry.
It's why I haven't really chased my dream of becoming an author.

It's why I hold onto fear and refuse to risk letting go.

This year, I will turn 30 in October. While many tell me "Thirty is no big deal," I have consistently zeroed in on it as a BFD (big effing deal). Not just because it represents... whatever it is society thinks it's supposed to represent, but because when I was 26, I thought I'd be further along in life than where I was. That realization launched me into a bout of depression that I had to claw my way back out of, and the only way I could do that was by letting go. Now that I'm about to turn 30 (and past the depression), I've found myself thinking more deeply about myself and the decisions I've made and the goals I have yet to formulate or attain. Where am I? Where am I going? What do I want? How do I get there?

And I think the answer lies in one simple question: Are you ready to love you the way you love others?

If I do, if I can, I believe I will make better decisions. I believe I will let go of the Old Plans I made and revise them to make new ones. I believe I will let go of the iron-strong bar of inflexible (and sometimes, even impossible) measuring tool I've held myself to for so long and grant myself a little grace. I believe I will push myself to become the person I want to be--stronger, healthier, richer, and maybe even smarter than ever before.

Question: Am I ready to love myself? To be a little more selfish this year? To effectively plan and plot my way between here, Point A, to my own Happily Ever After?

Answer: Yes.

I'm going to start right now. You're welcome to follow or join the journey.

This blog, Charity Ever After, is going to tell my story. I've always said that I'm going to have to live with me for the rest of my life, and so I want to know what does my 'ever after' look like? Right now, I'm not entirely sure, but I have an idea of what I want it to look like. Now it's just a matter of getting there. It's me, Charity, and this is my Ever After.