Wednesday Weigh-In: Starting Point

It's about to get real.

Oh. My. GAWD.

There are a lot of reasons that fat shaming sucks. I'm not saying I agree with the practice at all, but I am saying that these pictures (the first  two, anyway) were a moment for me to see myself through the lens of an unfortunately placed camera. All three pictures were taken in the same time frame (a matter of days apart), right around Christmas 2012 by Captain's mum (worst. possible. angles, I know). I am not proud of these images. I am not thrilled to see my belly line up with my boobs, or wonder just how much my face can sink into itself.

When I first saw these pictures, I couldn't believe it. I asked myself, Is this what people see when they look at me? Now, I ask myself: What are you going to do about it? 

Because, surely, something must be done.

Let's review:

• At age 16, I wore a size 7 and weighed 137 lbs.
• At age 22, I wore a size 10-12 and weighed 150 lbs.
• At age 28, I wore a size 16 and--by February 2012--I weighed 202.2 lbs.
• I joined Weight Watchers and got on-board with tracking my food and measuring out every bite I ate. By April 2012, I weighed 186 lbs. That's sixteen freaking pounds lost, in a matter of months. What's better is that I dropped to a size 14.
• Then, I fell off the WW wagon and managed to land around 188 lbs. by August 2012.
• By Christmas 2012, I was 190 lbs.
• As of this morning, I am 192.4 lbs. and can wear my size 14 jeans, but it's not too comfortable.

NOT OKAY. 

My Be Better, Do Better mantra demands that I treat myself better. It demands that, yes, I love myself and love my body, but also demands that I work on it. Why? Because I want to be healthier. I want to feel more attractive (note: I didn't say I wanted other people to find me more visually attractive, but that I want to feel more attractive because when I'm ballooning upwards towards the 200-lbs marker, I am not feeling good about me). I want to see what my adult body looks like underneath all the unnecessary fat. I want a strong heart, a long life, a not-crazy-difficult [future] pregnancy, the energy to keep up with small children, the confidence that damn, girl, I look good -- and all the benefits that go along with not-being-overweight. Right now, I only feel that I look good every now and again, but I'm not feeling my awesome.

Let's break it down into specific goals and an action plan. Because I want to be sure to lock into a positive mindset, I am going to say that I will do these things as opposed to saying I want these things--wants aren't needs, and I need to do these things, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Here goes:

1. Goal #1: Trim the Fat. I will lose 20-25 lbs. before September 2013. That gives me six months to drop that weight. Based on my weight loss before, this should be easily achieved if I stick to a good diet and exercise.
2. Goal #2: Eat to Live, not Live to Eat. I will limit my fast food intake and cook more. I will create and stick to a menu plan. This will have an impact on my financial goals as well, but I want to eat better and be healthier.
3. Goal #3: Bust Ass. I will commit to an active lifestyle. This means I will actually use my paid-for gym membership and utilize my BBX Groupon. I will do something active at least 3x a week.

This is my starting point, at 192.4 lbs. I told myself last year that I would never go back to 200+, and I meant it. It's time to go to war, find my warrior self, and dig out the strength to get back on track.